In Dreams
by TheBooker
Summary: Clockwork Prince one-shot: Will's POV automaton attack in the tea house and the aftermath.


**IN DREAMS: A CLOCKWORK PRINCE ONE-SHOT**

The automaton held Nathaniel Grey while it continued with its whirring and clicking. It was down to me to finish it, what with Jem and Charlotte wounded. If Henry's device was to work, it would destroy it though there had always been questions surrounding the success of the Shadowhunter's inventions. The others were far enough away that I was sure they would not be impacted by the blast when it happened. Nobody would have expected it but I truly did care for them, more than they could ever know. With everything set in place, I dropped to the ground. I readied myself for the explosion… until I noticed not everyone was safe.

"Tessa, move!" I shouted.

I knew, however, that my voice would struggle to be heard over the racket caused by the automaton. With a blink of an eye, Tessa had changed from her brother's form back to her own. Her eyes sought mine, their confusion plain enough that I realised she had not heard me. There was not enough time.

There was not even enough time to think about what I was doing. I was running towards her before anything could stop me, knowing that if I did not do something then she would be hit by the blast. She was too close to the automaton for it not to affect her and I pushed my legs hard and fast in a greater effort to reach her. I had to reach her. I would not watch her die; not that.

As I neared her, I heard the unmistakable voice of my _parabatai _come from behind me. I could not stop now, so I pushed on without turning back to Jem. Suddenly the creature reared up with a roar and blew apart like an exploding star, just moments after I had reached Tessa and brought her to the floor. I ensured that my body was the one covering hers, as a shield from the loose shards of metal that were flying in all directions. Absently, I was aware that a few of them lodged in my back and across to my shoulder blades. Had I been a moment later and it would have been Tessa's pain, not my own.

More than the pain, I was aware of her. We were close enough to feel each other's breath and the heat of our bodies, what with mine pinning hers to the ground. I tried to focus solely on her, rather than the agony of the shards shredding my gear, yet every so often shudders racked through my body. I did not move until all was silent – only then did I release Tessa and roll onto my side.

What had initially been excruciating pain that radiated from my shoulder blades to my lower back became an almost pleasant numbness. Compared to the pain, it was a far better alternative and one that I welcomed without complaint. With the pain gone, I wondered if the world I was in now was even real. Or was this death? I had not anticipated my demise, but if I had taken Tessa's place then I would be content. I thought of Sydney Carton's sacrifice and wondered if perhaps this had been my fate all along. I could never be with Tessa, just as Carton could never be with Lucie Manette, but I could die for her. I would do so willingly – and I might have.

_It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known._

But no, I was not Sydney Carton and I was not dead. I could hear the voices of those around me, if only faintly, and the soothing one closest to me inevitably belonged to my _parabatai._ His words were lost on me in this state and even if I wished to answer him I was unable to. It took all of my effort to cling to consciousness, though it was a pathetic one considering my eyes remained firmly shut. I simply drifted in and out of the world, in moments feeling nothing and others feeling everything.

My thoughts often turned to Tessa, though the others did not discuss her in one of my few coherent moments. Was she alright? I had gone to great lengths to ensure that she would not be harmed and I did not recall see any blood on her. The only blood spilled had been my own, and in vast quantities. I could tell not only from that which had pooled around me, but the sensation of weakness it brought on. When something burned against the back of my neck, I suspected it was an _amissio _rune to help with the blood loss but I decided it was far too wearing to think anymore. All I focused on was the gentle rocking of the carriage as it moved back through the streets of London towards the Institute, my _parabatai_ lending me his strength and refusing to leave my side.

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In sleep, I was haunted by images of what might have happened at the warehouse had I not shielded Tessa. Each nightmare had the same outcome: Tessa died. Soon the image changed to the night the Institute had been attacked and I had found Tessa covered in blood. I had so believed that she was gone and only thinking her to be lost lowered my walls. Then the image changed again and I saw Ella take her final breath. I had been a child then but I still pictured it vividly, both the demon that had cursed me and the sickly colour of my big sister's skin. It had been my fault. I had released the demon from the pyxis and it was thanks to my curse – that those who loved me would be destroyed – that I lost her. Finally the dream changed again and I was sat at another bedside, instead watching as a silver-haired Shadowhunter's hand went slack in my own.

So many deaths and they were all because of me, yet I seemed unable to prevent them despite my efforts to stop the curse. In sleep, I was haunted by those three deaths. Of past, present and future. How could I bear that? The answer was that I could not, but I would. I had to.

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It was hours before I finally became conscious and by then, Brother Enoch had been called for. I supposed that meant my injuries were severe, as they had to be if Charlotte had warranted help from the Silent Brothers. Jem was at my side as before and immediately his silver eyes widened as he realised I had returned from my brief stint in oblivion. Apparently I was not going to be given any more time to recover and I was quickly moved onto my stomach. My gear was long past salvaging and for that reason, my skin laid bare on the bed. The white sheets covered everything bar my back, which judging by the throbbing still had plenty of metal in. That was where Brother Enoch and his tweezers came in.

I found it difficult to say which was the most painful: the shards getting in my back or the tweezers pulling them out. Each time the Silent Brother moved to retrieve another metal shard, flames licked at my back. It was impossible not to cry out each time the tweezers and metal collided, and I had long since reigned myself in. Every movement was agony and I wanted Brother Enoch to know that.

"Grip my fingers. It will help with the pain." Jem said from my side. "There are only a few more." He gave me little choice, already deciding to take my hand in his own. It was not difficult to feel annoyance considering I was the one with the metal in my back, while Jem was the one playing nurse.

I was hardly in the best position to speak right now, but that did not stop me. "Easy- for you to say." I managed to get the words out through gritted teeth, though not without great struggle.

When it was time for the next shard of metal to be removed, I was relieved to have my _parabatai's _hand to grip tightly on. It brought me strength, as the bond was intended to bring Shadowhunters in battle – and in this case the battle's recovery. It was like he experienced the pain with me then, though really nothing could fully take it away except maybe the tweezers demise and a clean slate. Still it helped and time passed quicker with the additional strength of my _parabatai _to ease the agony of the procedure.

Jem had been right when he said there were only a few more left and when the last of the metal was removed, I could finally be marked with an _iratze. _The departure of Brother Enoch was swift and it was Sophie who was left with the job of covering my back with bandages and cleaning up the blood. She did, albeit a little begrudgingly.

It was only after she had gone that Jem finally answered my earlier questions on Tessa. "What happened after the automaton exploded? I struggled to pick up on my surroundings while I was bleeding all over the floor." I gave a humourless smile along with the remark, before adding a moment afterward. "Tessa did not get hurt?"

"All in good time, William. You really should rest." Jem answered. I assumed that meant I was not going to get any answers after all, but a moment later he referred to Tessa. If he suspected anything of me enquiring about her repeatedly, he did not seem surprised. He seemed as if my needing to know what happened to her was to be expected. "Tessa was not hurt by the explosion – you made sure of that. She sustained only a cut on the forehead, but her brother was killed. Brother Enoch says that she is in shock and will wake when she is ready." His tone was kind and patient, as it always was, and he turned his head towards Tessa's bed as he finished speaking.

I was left with no choice but to follow his case, knowing that it would be Tessa at the end of it. While manoeuvring in my state was unwise, it was worth the stab of pain turning my body brought to see her for my own eyes. She was a few beds away from my own, apparently asleep though her hair mostly shielded her face from view. Other than a bandage across her forehead, she seemed unharmed. Only when I realised that she was not harmed further did I relax and fall back onto my pillow. Jem had said that she had fainted from shock, both due to what she presumed to me my injury or death and that of her brother's. I knew what it was like to lose a sibling and once more my thoughts turned to Ella.

"You saved her life." At the sound of Jem's voice again, I lifted my head up briefly from the pillow, my previous thoughts gone. I was still laid on my back due to my injuries and the ordeal with the tweezers was beginning to weigh me down. Before I could say anything in return, my head was resting once more on the pillow. It took only a few moments more for everything to fade away and the darkness to consume my waking thoughts.

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The next time I woke, it was well past nightfall. The infirmary was empty except for its two inhabitants and I expected that was because the others were in bed. Without anyone around to remind me to rest and take it easy, I was inspired to move. I had already grown tired of the infirmary and felt that I had slept enough for one day. While I suspected my wounds were not yet completely healed, I could tell that the _iratze _had helped with the healing process considerably. I managed to get to my feet with only a little complaint from my wounds, which was definitely encouraging. The sooner I could leave the better, because I had to see Magnus. That was my intention now but before that, I had someone else I had to see.

I moved towards the other side of the infirmary, stopping at the bed next to Tessa's as to keep a respectable distance while still being close to her. Like before, she was asleep and though I most likely should have taken her unconsciousness as a sign that I should leave, I was unable to move from my spot on the bed beside hers. Unable to resist, I remained there for a while. How long I could not say, but eventually her breathing changed and her eyes opened. She gave me a strange look, as if she did not know why I was there. I guess she had every right to question my actions, just as I often did. Considering my previous attitude with her, I doubted that she anticipated I would watch her sleep.

Part of my excuse was the tisane I had found for her, having already anticipated she would need it. When I had first approached her bed, she seemed to be under some distress. It was then that I prepared the tisane, before I settled on my spot far-away-yet-close to her until she woke. I handed her the mug and watched as she drank its contents, not questioning me further after I told her it would calm her. It seemed to have the desired effect, though her eyes seemed unfocused and made me wonder if she had truly woken.

"How are your injuries?" She asked suddenly. "Are you in pain?"

I had all but forgotten about that in the time I had spent with her, but I could hardly tell her that. "Once all the metal was out, they were able to use an _iratze _on me. The wounds are not completely healed, but they are healing. By tomorrow they will be scars."

"I am jealous," Tessa replied, and she almost sounded it. "I believe it will be a good while before this comes off." She reached for the bandage on her forehead.

"In the meantime you can enjoy looking like a pirate." My comment earned a laugh, which got an actual smile out of me if nothing else could. It was gone as soon as it came and I expected she had not even noticed.

She spoke again about my high temperature which I put down to the _iratzes. _That and the fact that I struggled to contain himself. I decided that then was as good a time as any to apologise for her brother and I did so sincerely, surprising both of us. Her answer was not surprising to me.

"My sister died. She died, and there was nothing I could do about it." The images returned, identical to those I had witnessed in my reoccurring nightmares. No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep the grief from my voice and I suspected she picked up on it. I had not spoken about Ella like this to anyone, not even Jem. "I _am _sorry about your brother," I added, once I had ridded the memory of Ella's death from the forefront of my mind.

Everything happened quickly then. Tessa mentioned that she felt old and I was suddenly worried that something else was the matter, but she did not want me to fetch Charlotte. My shoulder brushed against hers as I moved to replace the mug from her tisane at the side of her bed and I thought nothing of it. Then she had curled into me, resting her head delicately on my shoulder, yet not quite carefully enough to spare me pain. I jerked in both surprise and pain, which caused her to pull away with visible hesitation.

"Did I hurt you?" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

_Yes. _"I don't care." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. "I don't care." I not only spoke of not caring about the pain. For the moment, I did not care about the curse. For once I wanted to be able to hold her without fearing that it would cause her pain. I had held back what I wanted for so long and treated her cruelly, though it was necessary, to make her think I did not want her. Yet I did want her. I was hesitant to tough her further, as I remembered the demon's promise that anyone who loved me would die, so I was slow in lifting her chin upwards. I wanted to kiss her, as I had done in the attic and again at Benedict Lightwood's party. Her words came out of nowhere and I came to a halt.

"Will, it's alright. It doesn't matter what you do. We're dreaming, you know." Her eyes were more unfocused now and I had to admit that it frightened me. She thought that this was nothing but a dream, yet I knew for certain I was not dreaming. If this was a dream, I would have kissed her.

I called her name, but a few moments more and she was lost. I should have realised that her consciousness would only be temporary considering her state, as well as the fact that nothing good would come of revealing my feelings towards her. It was with much regret that I laid her back gently on the bed and moved to my feet, shrugging on a jacket on my way to the door. I would have given anything to lie beside her in the bed and hold her while she slept, but I had to pull away. No matter how much it hurt. No matter how much I wanted to be with her.

I always had to deny myself of the things I truly wanted. It was the only way I could be sure none of those things got broken.

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A/N: Another story that is the product of sleep-deprivation. I've wanted to do a Will POV for a while now and I love this moment with Tessa so much that I just had to. I apologise if it seems rushed but I didn't want to just copy all of Cassie Clare's work so I might have skipped a bit of the dialogue.

Writing this might just have brought my TID muse back so – depending on whether or not you like this or not – I might think about writing some other stuff.

Thanks in advance for reading. Reviews would be greatly appreciated!


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